Life really has a funny way of creeping up on you. Dire lowness to ecstatic happiness. Swings and roundabouts, swings and roundabouts.
Currently sat in my boyfriend's bed (today is our weekend) as he makes smoked salmon and scrambled eggs with bubbly for breakfast (I know!?). Don't ask me where I found him, I simply don't know. I joke to him that I go around watching plays until some guy catches my eye, and in this case I caught the eye of a man playing a crazed rapist. That obviously did it for me. Sold. Hook, line and sinker as they say. But yes, pinching often has to follow.
I think it's so easy to sail through the good times in life without a backward glance. But I have learnt, through my many ups and downs in my short life, that you simply HAVE to appreciate things when you have them. Because you never know when they'll be gone. Kisses, smoked salmon, acting jobs, magazines one day. Loneliness, empty bank accounts and polishing cutlery the next. You never know. Hopefully that won't be the case, but you never know. I remember one time in my life when everything felt SO perfect that I used to have horrific nightmares, things that COULD go wrong, and probably should, because everything is going too well! Karma and all that, innit. Ha. Innit geez.
Saw Liza Minnelli at the Albert Hall last night. What a woman. Yes, ok, her voice is definitely not what it was but who cares! My God, that woman has stories to tell and she knows how to tell them. Needless to say, what with her being one of my idols, i cried A LOT. Alone. Ha. It was nice to hear someone else sing 'Cabaret' for a change! Think my Friday cabaret show may be a secret dedication to the woman. I'm thinking 'Maybe This Time' sat on the grand piano might be quite nice - especially since those lyrics seem to fit quite well with my life at the moment.
Having watched quite a few live shows over the last few days what with Liza and Glastonbury, one of my favourite things to see is the performer's face when it all sinks in. Or when they REALLY see the crowd for the first time. This euphoria that lights up their eyes. The disbelief that this could actually be happening. The adrenaline that comes when you hit that high note and people actually applaud you. Liza described this feeling and then sang 'Everytime We Say Goodbye'. It's true. It's hard being a performer, particularly in cabaret shows, giving your ALL every night, sometimes to people that can't even be bothered to bring their hands together, but it all pays off. It all pays off in that one moment. For me at the moment it's when I sing 'Cabaret'. It's when the lyrics fit perfectly to an emotion you're feeling. You connect, and the audience feel it. And for a tiny moment, we all feel it together. You've told your story, people have listened, people have emoted. Crazy. What a great career. You don't get to express that stuff in an office job.
"When I was younger, I would have all these emotions that, well, everybody has them, but I didn't know what to do with them, so I would find a song that described how I felt and I would learn it. Which meant by the age of 13 I knew 4000 songs! But it's true, some people collect stamps, I collect lyrics" - Liza Minnelli
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