I am so ruddy ambitious, I do wonder if I will ever stop getting so excited when things actually happen. I'm always on a journey, always trying to get somewhere. But I'm not really sure where that somewhere is. And that's fine, right now anyways. But do you ever worry that you'll never be content? I guess the sky's the limit so why stop just as you reach the stars?
As a kid I always wanted to be famous. I don't have that need anymore. In fact, it was a sad day last year when I realized at the age of 21 I was probably too old to be a popstar. Now, I think I could take it or leave it. I don't think fame would do me any good as a person. But it would be lovely to be respected for your art, to be able to pick and choose roles, songs, red carpet dresses!
I know I wasn't put on this earth to be ordinary. And I've known that from the moment I could think. But my life isn't ordinary. And that's the main reason I started writing these blogs. So this ridiculously insane life of mine could be documented in some way. For me to read when I'm old and sat in a rocking chair. For my grandchildren to read and see that their Gran used to be hard working and talented.
I CANNOT IMAGINE doing a 'normal' job. I just don't have it in me. Sometimes I wish I did. Sometimes I envy those people that seem so content with their routine, their regularity, their desk, their suits, their home-by-five-dinner-on-the-table-at-six. But nope. I couldn't do it. I go from job to job, theatre to theatre, club to club, and I wouldn't change it for the world. And I don't want it to change either.
I do know (despite my mother insisting that I'm a 'career girl'), that all this would be nothing without love. I wish I could convince myself of that when I'm out of work!!
Last Monday, most of my old class of friends from Central went out for drinks in memory of Professor Bruce Kirle (the most inspirational man that ever graced my life AND the man who gave me my ticket into this crazy career by unleashing me on Central). We sat, and we talked, and we remembered. And my best friend Katy looked around the table at our friends, then turned to me and said : "I thank him for a lot of things, but mostly I thank him for bringing us together".
A few nights ago, my boyfriend and I walked arm in arm and he said : "Life without family is nothing. Family is all there is".
I remember Bruce saying: "What good are the good things in life, if you have no one to share it with?"
No good, no good at all.
No comments:
Post a Comment