Learning from it. Accepting it.

So, this is a follow up from my blog post a few days ago about self acceptance and body image.

Firstly, I cannot express how much writing it down has made me feel so much better. It was a piece I have been wanting to get down in writing for many, many years but haven't felt ready to talk about it or admit all my issues. Mostly because some evil part of me hoped that I could still, in the future, shrink down again and keep all my demons a secret, as most people who suffer with eating disorders do.

But no. I have written and shared and admitted and I feel different now.

I make a promise to myself from here on in to love myself.
That is a scary thing to promise when you've dedicated your whole life to punishing yourself for not having a body that resembles an air-brushed barbie.
I had a lot of responses to the blog both online and also over the telephone, all of which have been helpful and interesting and allowed me to accept that it's all out in the open now. I thought that I should put what I've learned into a plan of action, both to help me stick to it but also to help anyone else out there who may be in a similar, recovering postition.

Here is how I promise to love myself:

1. When I look at the mirror at myself, or at photos of myself, I will not immediately look at myself from a place of judgement. I will smile, un-screw those brows and just look at myself as a person. I will not compare the width of my arm in a photo to the width of the girl stood next to me. I will see myself naked and be thankful for what I have. I am not skinny, but I am BANGING. You heard it here first, back off all those who think otherwise.

2. Eat what you want, when you want and stop when you are full. You are damn right I'm going to eat that cake but I'm not going to wolf it down and pretend it didn't happen, I am going to enjoy everything mouth-watering gulp and stop when I am satisfied. If I restrict myself or make myself feel bad I know that I will later binge and feel worse. Eat what the hell you want. If you tell yourself you can have pringles every moment of every day, very soon you will not want pringles anymore and you will be reaching for that salad. I love healthy food, I bloody thrive on cooking and eating it. No more good and bad foods. Just food.

3. Wear clothes that make you feel good. We all have those items that we love but that don't fit us properly. Whether they are too big or two small or just the wrong shape for us GET RID. Sell, donate, throw away but don't keep them in your wardrobe haunting you. The hardest but ultimately most satifying thing to do is to give them to your friends who they do fit. At work we have a bit of an ongoing swap-shop in our dressing room. Yes, it is hard for me to give away an awesome pair of trousers that don't fit me and see them looking incredible on someone else but look at how happy that person is with their new trousers? And if you love that person then surely it should give you a sense of pride that you made them look that good. Which brings me to my next point...

4. Stop comparing. The comparing game is an easy option but it will NEVER make you feel good. NEVER. If you spend your life picking out people's good and bad bits and not looking them in the eye truly then you will be unhappy. WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT. Look around honestly, beauty is confidence not waist size. EVERYBODY has hang ups. I share a dressing room with 9 other women. I see 9 other women naked every day. It's really hard not to compare yourself. But thankfully these 9 incredible women and I have implemented a safe place to be. The compliments are flowing in that room I tell ya. So much so that I dance around butt naked at least once a week. I think this helps too. Get naked. Get comfortable. Embrace yourself.

5. Stop reading beauty magazines/fitness magazines/reading pop-up stories about weight loss or gain. CUT IT OUT. Do not support an industry that is making you and your future children feel inadequate. Get angry at adverts that make you feel bad, tweet about it, post about it. These adverts are not the truth, they are selling a product. Be the change you want to see.

6. Exercise for your soul not your butt. I know that I feel bloody fantastic after a good session. Much like I feel fantastic after eating great food and not sluggish. Relearn what makes you feel good and introduce variety and excitement back into your exercise regime. Don't go to spin if it makes you hate yourself and want to vomit, go to dance class. Don't go to dance class if it makes you feel insecure, go for a breezy run in the sunshine alone. Go to yoga and stretch and learn about this body that you have a new respect for. Respect your body and it will respect you right back with strong muscles and a long healthy life.

7. Treat yourself as you treat your loved ones. No more negative self talk. You have to implement this now and work on it slowly. Just simply don't allow any negativity. I realise this is hard, especially on those days when you are due on, your belly is an angry football and you've eaten an entire packet chocolate eclairs. But talk to yourself as you would talk to your daughter, husband, mother. A few women talk about how having a child can make them see a younger version of themselves. Remember that you were a young person once. Treat that person nicely.

8. Shake what ya mama gave ya. Walk with confidence, head held high, shoulders back, smile on face. Sometimes when we're stuck in a rut we need to work from the outside in. Believing in your own confidence will build it up. Accept the compliments that will undoubtably come, store them in your brain bank and most importantly BELIEVE them. Other people don't need to compliment you, be glad that they have, be thankful.

9. Finally, you must share. Whether that be writing like me or calling a friend or coffee chats or whatever. You have to talk about how you feel. Otherwise the negativity inside you will fester and grow. We are all excellent puppateers and the puppet shows in our head are crazy, negative, spiralling stories that only get worse not better. Talk openly and honestly to your chosen friends or family, it is good for everyone. You will feel better for sharing and your chosen person will feel special for being trusted and will be more likely to come back to you to share in the future. Compassion and connection is what we all need and thrive on. Give yourself the gift of truth.

And that's that. This won't all happen overnight by any means but at least I see now what I need to do. And I hope you do too.

Good luck!
xxx